Leaving Town
by Tearra
Summary: She always knew that they couldn't stay forever, but that doesn't make it any easier to leave. Possibility of another chapter.


It had to happen eventually, but it was still the hardest thing that I've ever done, that I've ever, in my life had to do.

I mean, we couldn't have stayed forever. That was never an option. It was never an option to stay here, where so much happened. Where I fell in love, where I discovered that the love of my life was a vampire, where I found peace and happiness and belonging and so many things that I never thought I'd find. What I never could have found in Phoenix, I found here. This place, Forks, is-was-will always be-my home.

Edward doesn't get it. I wouldn't expect him to, he hardly remembers his home, or his parents. But Charlie and Renee's faces burn in my mind every time I think about what we're going to do. I consider running back to them, making them hold me, making them comfort me. But they're getting older.

And I'm not. I never will.

I never thought I'd have to chose who I was better suited to live without, my love or my family. But to be honest, I can't breathe without Edward, much less live without him. I will miss Charlie and Renee more than words will ever or could ever describe. But I also cannot stand here and watch them grow old and die as I stay exactly the same. I can't and I won't do it.

But it's just so hard to leave.

Alice doesn't understand either. But it would be unfair to expect her to. She never really had a home that she remembered, or a life, or friends. Or family. Until Jasper, until the Cullens, she was alone. She didn't remember anything. But it had been less than ten years for me. I still remembered. Every crease of Charlie's forehead, every wrinkle that appeared on my mother's face. Every smile, frown, hug, kiss, moment, second; I remembered everything.

I'm not even gone yet and I already miss him.

Edward says that I can come back every now and then, as long as I'm discreet and as long as no one else sees me. He doesn't get it, but he understands. I'm still the most human out of all of them. I still remember, I still feel. I still ache.

I don't regret my decision. Living without Edward would have been like being human and living without air or water. A slow, painful, but inevitable death. I can't live without him. We are two pieces of some larger puzzle that fit together and if you take us apart, then nothing works.

But that doesn't make this any easier.

Jasper doesn't understand. He feels my emotions and he tries to help, when he can. He tries to ease my pain, just for a moment. And I'm grateful for it, but he doesn't understand. His life before the Cullens was hell. He had everything to look forward to. Alice, a family, a peaceful life. He doesn't say much to me about it, but I know that he can feel everything that I feel.

I never thought we could stay forever...but I never thought we would have to leave either. I never thought.

Emmett doesn't understand, but I would never expect him to. He's direct, and while I won't say that he doesn't have emotions (his love for Rosalie is simply amazing), he doesn't try to remember his past or hang on to it. I envy him for that. Simply and truly, I envy him.

I think Charlie knows. What we have to do. I don't know if he's put the pieces together-how its been years and I still look the same, that Nessie has grown so fast, that even Jacob looks exactly the same. That Carlisle and Esme never gets older. That we don't go outside on those rare sunny days. That I've been getting sadder and sadder every time I see him now, because I know that we'll soon have to go.

Esme and Carlisle don't understand, but they know what I'm going through. Esme holds me when I need it. She hugs me as I pass her on the stairs, when she sees me sitting on the couch, alone. She's sweet, she's there when I need her. And Carlisle. While he will never be my father, he is a father figure to me. He guides and helps and loves and cherishes all of us. And I know that he will never try to be my father, my Charlie, he's there when I need him.

It's hard to believe that there was a time when I didn't want to come to Forks. I remember when I first got here, and I was uncomfortable and alone. And then I saw him, I saw Edward, and everything was over. My fate was sealed from the second that I saw him, there in the Forks High School cafeteria. My fate was sealed, there was nothing that I could do and, inevitably, there was some p[art of me that had to know that this day would one day come.

As much as I didn't want it to.

There's not really much to pack. Alice loves to shop, so she gave all of her clothes to Good Will or Salvation Army or something and is eagerly looking forward to buying more clothes wherever we go next. Rosalie has a few possessions that she likes to keep, some jewelry and things. Edward says that every time they move, she takes the same few things with her.

And oddly enough its Rosalie, the one who hated me in the beginning, its she who understands the most. She, out of all of them, remembers so well what it was like to be human. Remembers her friends, family, those who wronged her, those who loved her. She remembers her home and her life and the way that things were. She remembers all of those human things and she knows what I'm going through.

For years I thought of Phoenix as my home and Forks as a burden. Now I realize that, truly, Forks is my home. It will always be my home and maybe someday, years and years in the future, maybe we can come back.

It'll be strange to be here without Charlie.

Maybe Forks is my home, and maybe I can never come back.

I can't imagine this place without Charlie. I can't imagine anyone else as the chief of police, or anyone else sitting in his place at the diner, eating steak and watching TV. I don't want to imagine any of that, but everything has changed. Nothing will ever be the same, and while I may not regret my decision it still hurts worse than anything else in this world. To imagine a life without my father, my caring, loving, protective father who just wanted to make sure that his little girl was happy.

I don't want to leave him. He's my _father. _ Thats something that no one else can be.

It's hard. It's harder than anything else I've ever done. I can't stay and watch him die, but I don't want to leave either.

Once, I almost asked Carlisle to make Charlie like us. I almost asked him, the words were on the tip of my tongue, ready to spill out. But I couldn't. Because Charlie wouldn't want that. As much as he would want to be with me, he would not want eternal life. I don't blame him, thats just the way that he is. His true love isn't immortal, like mine is. He still loves my mother, you can see it in the way that he moves around her, makes space for her, smiles shyly at her.

The hardest thing I've ever had to do was to go home, to Charlie and tell him that we were leaving.

He looked at my face. My eternally eighteen year old face and sadness spread across his face, it deepened the creases in his cheeks and darkened his eyes.

"I know," he said. "I've been waiting."

"Dad-"

"C'mere Bells." He held out his arms to me.

I went to him, gentle with his fragile human body. I wrapped my arms around him and he started to cry. Emotion coursed through me and my body began to shake. He held me tightly, as tightly as he could.

"Bells..."

"Yes," I answered the one question that was so hard to ask. "Yes, you'll see me again, I promise."

"Good," he whispered. "Good."

I'd never really hugged my father before. Human Bella would have been mortified, uneasy, unsure. But Vampire Bella knew that this was the right ting to do and that right now, her father needed her daughter to hug him.

"Often?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied, softly. "I hope so."

"But I can't tell anyone." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yeah. Thats why we have to leave. Because-"

"I know."

----

We left the next day. There was no one really to say good bye to, except Charlie. He came and said good bye to all of us. He waved and tried to keep the tears at bay. I don't know what he would tell my mother. I don't think that he knew either.

Edward put an arm around me as my shoulders shook.

"I'll take very good care of her, Charlie," he said softly.

He laughed a little. "Yeah, I've heard that one before." But he was smiling.

"I promise," Edward said again. "Forever."

"I know," Charlie replied, watching us. Everyone else had left, quietly, when we weren't looking, Rosalie taking Nessie and Jacob following along quietly.

I hugged my father, my Charlie again and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

And then we left.

His voice caught on the wind, a mere whisper that made Edward nod once, quickly at him and then pull me into his car.

"Thank you."


End file.
